(I have written about this before.)
Perfectionism keeps me from trying sometimes.
It's an all or nothing mentality. (This is not very productive, helpful, or useful in any way.)
And I realize that we only experience grace in our imperfections!
""My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9I keep seeing how I have tied my self-worth and identity to my performance in academics, writing, etc., but I don't know how to break the deeply ingrained habit. I mean it's practically programmed into us from the time we start school! Behave well. Get good grades so you can get into a good college so you can get a good job where you must perform well to keep your job and earn a good living...
But I realize that tying my identity and self-worth to my performance only fuels my perfectionism which becomes debilitating. It causes the procrastination/paralyzation cycle I find myself in so often when writing on a deadline. (You see, the procrastination allows me to say that of course it won't be perfect because I didn't give myself enough time to make it perfect... it's rather manipulative of myself I suppose.)
And yes, I know that my true identity is in Christ and that nothing I can do will make God love me any more or less than He already does, and yet I keep striving to earn more anyway... Or maybe I'm just trying to prove something to myself and the world around me.
This is not a post where I can wrap it all up neat and tidy with a bow. This is a post where I'm talking about an ongoing struggle. I don't have all the answers. (This is another thing that keeps me from writing - thinking I need to bring it all to a clean resolution, but life doesn't really work like that.)
I will end with the few things I've been telling myself lately to try to push through the procrastination/paralyzation cycles:
- Journal - Just write!
- In writing and in life, think progress, not perfection.
- Remind yourself over and over again that your true identity is in Christ as a dearly beloved child of God.