“I want to write.”
“So write, silly, just do it. Put the words on the page, string them together and give voice to your thoughts. It’s really not that hard.”
“Yes it is! It is that hard! There are too many thoughts and most of them probably don’t make sense and then I write in big long run-on sentences and start worrying about how I’m probably not that good of a writer and I use way too many ellipses…”
“Stop it! Stop worrying so much and just write! Write what you are thinking, write what’s on your heart, write what you need to hear as much as anyone.”
"But that's hard... that means I have to make time to be still and quiet long enough to..."
"Be still and know that He is God?"
"Well yes, that too... but also just getting quiet long enough to hear myself think and to let myself feel all the things..."
"And be vulnerable."
"So what are you waiting for. You know you just make it worse when you ignore it. You can try to drown it out with TV or books but that won't make it go away."
"I know... okay..."
I avoid quiet,
No, I run hard from quiet.
The quiet place feels lonely, empty, scary.
I convince myself that noise pushes the darkness back.
And sometimes it does, in a way.
Talking and laughing with friends beats back the dark.
Music causes it to flee.
But other times it's the noise of empty entertainment: TV, movies, the buzz of the interwebs...
Don't get me wrong,
God still speaks.
He speaks through His people -
my friends in real life
the blogs I read
the sermons I hear
He speaks through music and
He speaks through books.
What I'm missing, what I need, is that Still Small Voice.
The One that whispers
Peace. Be Still.
But I'm afraid of the quiet.